your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
