Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
