I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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