Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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