he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
