Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
