please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
