life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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