End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
