my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
