Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
