I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
