You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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