It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
