i would punch a child for taco bell
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
