margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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