This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How naked do you want me to be?
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