Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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