Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The best revenge is premature balding
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
