We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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