Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I deserve this hangover.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
