Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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