I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
