hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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