I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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