I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
