Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
