She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
