I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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