my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
