oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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