Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
