it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
