Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
