I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
