Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
