i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
