I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
