I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
