He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize