I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
