absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
