if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize