thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
