Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
