I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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