Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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