You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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