I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
