you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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