You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
