Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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