SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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