Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
