i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she told me i tasted like america
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize