I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
