his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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