i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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