So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
