Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
