I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
