Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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