you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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