Too much gin, very little bucket
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize