also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
