I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
