It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
